Archive for the 'Humour' Category
Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
Damn monkey
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
Friday, October 19th, 2007
Ridin’ hard to Mayberry
Making my commute back to L.A. today, but I’m DRIVING for a change. 15 hours of pure John — I don’t know if I can take it… I’ll try to blast the satellite and blow out the Bose & maybe drown myself out a bit… LOL
Friday, October 12th, 2007
The Bad Boss
Three men — a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer — are in Miami beach for a two-week period helping out on a project. About midweek, they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumble upon a lamp.As they rub the lamp, a genie appears and says, “Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish.”
Saturday, October 6th, 2007
Two Women Talking In Heaven…
1st Woman: Hi! My name is Maggie.
2nd Woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die?
1st Woman: I froze to death.
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
impossible
People who say nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door… :-p
Friday, September 28th, 2007
Trust A Friend
A man leaves home to go fight in the Crusades and decides that his wife should wear a chastity belt in his absence. So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend.
Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
Confession
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last Confession, here is my sin: I have been with a loose girl.”
Sunday, September 16th, 2007
Italian math test
A man wanted a job, but the foreman wouldn’t hire him until he passed a little math test. “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
Just dessert
“What a difference a day makes…” It’s a cliche, but true. I think about my own children and how astonishing it was to see them grow as babies. Even now, they’re 13 and 8, and not a day passes when they do something that just blows my mind. That generally is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it just makes me laugh and shake my head. My younger daughter has this habit lately of wiping her hands on her shirt. So there we were yesterday at a restaurant, she finishes her cupcake, and before I could say anything, wipes her frosting-covered fingers across the front of her shirt… For the rest of the afternoon until we could get home, she had finger tracks…
Monday, July 9th, 2007
Wait a minute… make that a few hours..
I’m writing this while waiting for a plane at Denver International. It’s become almost a cliche with airline delays again… For the past few years, I’ve been really lucky with flights and getting through airports fairly quickly, even with the gear I usually carry. But not tonight. Weather outside of Chicago made the plane late to Denver, which is the aircraft I need to get to L.A. So here I sit, waiting for a guy I don’t know to get the plane here and get me home. A lot of life is waiting — waiting in line at the bank, waiting for a train to pass, waiting for the rain, waiting for the right time to ask the question… let’s make the most of those moments of waiting. Talk to the people around you, or at least observe and enjoy them. I’m upstairs at DIA in a computer station and an Asian dude in a bad suit is to my left pounding on his laptop to some tunes I can hear through his ear buds. The guy on my right has Bose-style headphones on and is having a VOIP conversation wtih someone, half of which (his half) I am hearing at full volume. This is broken by sporadic announcements from an over-annunciating airport service rep for various customers… Kids scream and leap in a nearby kids play thing, their dad standing with a comatose glazed stare… I talked to a woman earlier who had been at the airport since the previous DAY. Ideally, I’d like to be on my way home. But things could be worse, and it’s not a bad way to spend a couple hours. If I end up staying here till tomorrow, I’ll probably have a totally different opinion…. LOL